Indispensable People
Making the Gospel Accessible to people of ALL abilities so that they may know Christ, grow in Him, and serve Him with the gifts He has given them.
Indispensable People
What Changes When We Ask What Is Happening For You
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We name common ADHD experiences that look like laziness or drama from the outside and explain why they are real, patterned brain responses. We trade shame and snap judgments for clear language, practical supports, and a more accessible church culture.
• body doubling as external structure that helps tasks start and finish
• time blindness as “now vs not now” and why some deadlines help more than extended time
• rejection sensitivity and how small messages can trigger spirals
• hyperfocus as intense lock-in that can crowd out basics
• task paralysis as an activation problem, not a knowledge problem
• doom piles and object permanence as visibility and organization challenges
• sensory overload, emotional flooding, and shutdown as processing limits
• masking and stimming as regulation tools with real emotional cost
• shifting our question from “what’s wrong with you” to “what’s happening for you”
If you want to dive deeper on your own, you can check out the indispensable people blog or my books on Amazon called The Indispensable Kid or Gospel Accessibility and the Indispensable People.
Welcome And The Disability Gap
SPEAKER_00Hey, hey, my name is Tracy Coral and welcome to Indispensable People. I'm a pastor, a teacher, a missionary, a mom, a wife, and I believe that every person should have access to the gospel so that they can know Christ, grow in him, and serve him with the gifts that he has given. Over 65 million Americans have a disability. That's 15 to 20% of every community. And over 85% of those individuals do not attend church. 90% of pastors believe that they are a disability-friendly church, but only 20% of parents and families agree. Let's dive deep into hard topics, big questions, perceptions, stereotypes, and so much more.
When ADHD Looks Like Failure
SPEAKER_00Hey, hey, and welcome to this episode of Indispensable People. Today we're talking about some things to do with ADHD, which really can cross over into some other things. So have you ever encountered someone and you thought, why can't they just do something? Maybe they're asking their question themselves. Why can't I just do this? And it it sounds like they're spending like an absorbent amount focused on something else, but can't finish a single task on their task list or their responsibility. Or like they're thinking, okay, well, I was super productive yesterday. Why can't I be just as productive today? Or you're seeing that in someone. Maybe it's you answering these questions. You can there might be uh something where, you know, a text message completely changed their mood, or why do they start cleaning the house at 11 30 at night but didn't do anything all day long? And really in the end, what comes to that is what's wrong with them, or what's wrong with me if you're that person answering those questions. And so today I want to talk about the fact that there isn't anything wrong with you, but maybe you've just never had the language to describe what you're seeing or what you're experiencing. So we're gonna talk about a few different ADHD experiences that do have names and strategies to help with it. And just because you have a name to it doesn't mean the struggle disappears, but it can give an explanation, take away some of the shame, and provide some strategies to walk alongside of it.
Body Doubling And Getting Started
SPEAKER_00Now we have a friend of ours, their son's name is Tanner, and my daughter's name is Emma. And Emma loves to do things and she will accomplish whatever you're asking her to do, but she loves to be able to do it alongside of someone else. And for the longest time, my friend Jenna will say, Yep, she just needs Tanner to be her body double. And that's actually a term that's that's being used. And bottle body doubling is when having another person nearby makes it significantly easier to start or complete a task. You don't necessarily need them to help you. You might not even need to talk to them, you just need their presence. Suddenly, a task that was on the list gets done, or paperwork, an email gets sent. You easily can get involved in something or participate in and things, and that changes how you do because you have someone else alongside with you to accomplish those tasks. And you might ask yourself, or you might ask them, like, why couldn't you accomplish this task on your own? And for some people with ADHD, another person's press presence provides enough external structure, accountability, and stimulation to get the brain engaged. Another thing that you might
Time Blindness And Better Deadlines
SPEAKER_00come across or deal with that has a lot to do with time. And this term is time blindness, which means there simply isn't it's not being bad at managing your calendar, it's experiencing time differently. There's a now and a not now, which is kind of how you look at time, and and that's where the time blindness comes in. Like if it's not now, it's I'll do it later, but later doesn't have the same weight and time for everyone. So later it's all of a sudden, you know, four o'clock in the afternoon or eight o'clock at night, or three days later, and you may genuinely have underestimated, or this person may have underestimated how long something would take. And that can create an exhausting cycle of underestimating, procrastinating, panic, hyperfocus, finish, and then exhaustion. So setting times. So for example, one of the most common strategies that are listed in a student's IEP is extended time. I've done a podcast on talking about extended time and how that strategy is actually the worst thing you can do with someone for ADHD because they get lost in their time blindness. So when you set a more urgent time schedule, then you they don't get lost so much in the time blindness. Another term
Rejection Sensitivity In Real Life
SPEAKER_00that is being used now is rejection sensitivity. So someone sends an okay and your brain starts. So maybe you're in a text conversation, or this person is in a text conversation with you, and you send okay, or I have done a thumbs up, which apparently I didn't know that that etiquette-wise was kind of like I don't want to deal with you, here it goes, which then starts a spiraling of thinking. So this leads into rejection sensitivity. It's maybe a short response or an unexpected response, but not even a bad response. And they immediately start to spiral in their thinking. Like, are they mad at me? Did I do something wrong? Why did they answer like that? Are they upset with me? And one short response can completely derail the day. So it's important to remember that although that response is seemingly unnecessary and an overreaction, it's very real to them, even when the rejection itself isn't. So you might have to walk through that with them. Or if you're that person, walk through the understanding of what's happening with that and get further explanation so that you're not spiraling
Hyperfocus And Task Paralysis
SPEAKER_00in your thinking. Another verbiage that is being used, and it would be unreal if you had not heard this yet, but the word is hyperfocus, and hyperfocus is let's put a little explan. Let's give let me give you an example. If someone says, but if you have ADHD, how can you focus for four hours? And that's a thing. ADHD doesn't necessarily mean you can't focus, it means that regulating attention is difficult. So when something is interesting, meaningful, challenging, urgent, rewarding, the brain can become intensely locked in, and that is a becomes a hyperfocus. So you look up and you realize, wait, it's like midnight. You haven't eaten, you hadn't answered your phone, and you completely forgot about the thing that you were supposed to do when you became hyperfocused. Another piece of verbiage that's being used is task paralysis. And this can feel incredibly frustrating. And a lot of people who deal with task paralysis are sometimes considered lazy. So, for example, you might have three things to do, just three, and somehow you can't start any of them. You aren't aware of them, you aren't necessarily unwilling, uh, or you're not unaware of them, you're not unwilling to do it, you just can't get your thinking process going. And that has a lot to do with your executive function and just having like some people are like, just do it, right? And someone saying that can actually be really unhelpful. And the barrier isn't knowledge, it's activation. And sometimes a person needs to feel the urgency to get that activation
Doom Piles And Object Permanence
SPEAKER_00going. Another, this is made to be kind of a silly verbiage that other people have used, but is actually a really real thing is doom piles. So collections of things that are being left in certain places. It might be a junk drawer, pile of clothes, all of that kind of stuff where it just kind of gets replaced to another pile and another pile and another pile, and you're not sure where you've left the stuff or where it's going, which really impacts your organization skills, finding things, being responsible for stuff, which can become very frustrating for other people when they have expectations for you, but you can't find those things. Another thing that would affect the Doom Pile is the object permits issues. It's another ADHD experience, which is creating difficulty remembering when something isn't visible. You put something in a drawer and your brain basically says that thing has basically ceased to exist. It no longer is there. But then you open the drawer and there it is, and you're like, oh, I remember that. You may forget to call someone simply because you aren't currently seeing that reminder or those people. So visual reminders in this case are very, very helpful because out of sight can really become out of mind.
Sensory Overload And Emotional Flooding
SPEAKER_00Sensory overload is another verbiage that you're gonna hear a lot when it comes to people with ADHD and people with autism. And it's you know, where a sight, a sound, a conversation, someone asking you a question, and suddenly, like previously you were fine, and then all of a sudden it's just too much. And so for someone experiencing sensory overload, the worst thing you can do is say, calm down, right? I don't think any of us like to hear that. Sometimes what that individual might need is less noise, less stimulation, less talking, less pressure. So removing them from that environment for a short amount of time might be what's gonna flip that switch back to before when they were not overloaded. Another term is emotional flooding, which the emotion can feel like it went from zero to 100 almost instantly. Anger, frustration, sadness, anxiety, the intensity can feel difficult to regulate once it arrives. And sometimes afterwards you think, why did I like you realize how unnecessary that reaction was and why it became over the top? And so just kind of being aware of that, walking through that, being able to recognize it for that individual is gonna be key. And reminding them, walking them back through the steps, I'll often use the okay, let's think about this. Is this an elephant problem or is this a mouse problem? And the elephant problem is like sick, dying, terrible things are happening, and the mouse problem is this is doable, nobody's hurt, we can work through this. So bringing back that perspective.
Shutdown, Masking, And Stimming
SPEAKER_00Shutdown. Now, this happens, I would say, more frequently with the younger the individual is, and sometimes the brain just simply says, enough. Words stop coming, you can't explain what you're thinking, you can't answer simple questions, you may withdraw or become very quiet. That's a shutdown. And sometimes what looks like someone being rude or uncooperative or uninterested is actually someone who has reached their processing limit. Sometimes the most compassionate response in this time is you don't have to talk to me right now, but I'm here. So again, giving them some time, giving them some moments to process, maybe stepping away from you know the sensory things that are that are coming in. We've spent a lot of time talking about masking on other podcasts. So I'm not gonna spend a whole lot of time talking there, but it's where someone tries to make things look a certain way, even though they don't actually feel that way. That becomes, I mean, I I think that's something that all people are somewhat guilty of, if you want to say it that way. But the the masking becomes intensive whenever it becomes constant and it's, you know, overly protective of everything that they do. It can allow someone to function in environments that they don't naturally fit in, but it can also come at a tremendous emotional cost. We've talked about stimming before, and that refers to repetitive movements or sensory behaviors that can help someone regulate themselves, such as fidgeting or tapping or moving, touching something, rocking, playing with an object. These behaviors aren't necessarily meaningless. Sometimes they're helpful to the nervous system. So instead of asking someone to stop, maybe it's asking what could be given to them to help them uh regulate so that their body's getting what they need and they can focus or they can participate, or you know, any of those kinds of things.
Compassion First, Then Better Supports
SPEAKER_00So the bigger message with all of this is that people with ADHD, because they're experiencing these things, doesn't mean they're failing. It means that they are simply trying to function in a world that expects the brain to operate differently. And maybe previously you didn't have the words to describe it, and now maybe you have a few terms to describe it, but sometimes it's just helpful for you or that individual to know that something feels harder for me or for you, and it seems to be than it seems to be for anyone else. So instead of asking someone what's wrong with you, or you're not trying hard enough, or you're too emotional, or you're lazy, maybe you can ask the question, what's happening for you? Or you can support with some strategies to help. Maybe you could be that body double, maybe you can give those sensory breaks, maybe you can provide uh a timeline or visuals to benefit that person in whatever it is that you're working with in. Whether you're teaching a Bible study or you're having a small group question and answer, or maybe they're participating in something where they get to share their faith and they get to share the gospel with others, but they're not meeting those timelines that were originally set. So you need to understand and you need to consider that understanding should become, should come before judgment. When we understand what is happening underneath the behavior, we can respond with both compassion and appropriate boundaries. This individual is not a failure because something is difficult for them. They just need different strategies, and different strategies don't mean they're less capable. Needing reminders don't mean that they're irresponsible. Needing movement doesn't mean you're disruptive. Needing someone beside you doesn't mean you're incapable. Needing quiet doesn't mean you're antisocial. And struggling with something other people seem to do easily doesn't mean you're broken. Sometimes you just didn't have the language or the strategy or the understanding. As the body of Christ, we help each other, we come alongside of each other, we encourage each other, we lift one another up so that every person has the opportunity to know Christ, to grow in him, and to serve him with the gifts that he has given them. I can't claim to have all the answers. I can't claim to know all the things, but here's
Keep The Conversation Going
SPEAKER_00what we are gonna do we're gonna keep this conversation going. We're gonna make the accessible gospel available to individuals with disabilities in our churches and in our communities so that every person has the opportunity to know Christ, to grow in him, and to serve him. If you want to dive deeper on your own, you can check out the indispensable people blog or my books on Amazon called The Indispensable Kid or Gospel Accessibility and the Indispensable People.
