Practical PDA Strategies For Bible Study And Worship

I go deeper on PDA and why what looks like defiance is often a nervous system need for control and safety. I share practical ways churches and families can reduce demands, protect autonomy, and build trust so people can engage with Scripture, prayer, and community. 
• what PDA is and why it can show up as avoidance 
• reducing the feeling of demands while increasing autonomy, predictability, relationship, and meaningful choice 
• using two acceptable choices instead of direct commands 
• keeping the rhythm non-negotiable while making the method flexible 
• invitational language for Bible study and prayer 
• permission to pause, observe, move, and rejoin without shame 
• curiosity over correction to prevent fight-or-flight responses 
• relationship before expectations because trust beats compliance 
• creating a predictable structure that still allows flexibility 
• a simple volunteer framework: connect, choice, invite, support, don’t force, reconnect 
If you want to dive deeper on your own, you can check out the indispensable-people blog or my books on Amazon called The Indispensable Kid or Gospel Accessibility and the Indispensable People.

Transcript

Welcome And The Disability Gap

SPEAKER_00 0:02

Hey, hey, my name is Tracy Coral, and welcome to Indispensable People. I'm a pastor, a teacher, a missionary, a mom, a wife, and I believe that every person should have access to the gospel so that they can know Christ, grow in him, and serve him with the gifts that he has given. Over 65 million Americans have a disability. That's 15 to 20% of every community. And over 85% of those individuals do not attend church. 90% of pastors believe that they are a disability-friendly church, but only 20% of parents and families agree. Let's dive deep into hard topics, big questions, perceptions, stereotypes, and so much more.

What PDA Is And Why It Matters

SPEAKER_00 0:52

Hey, hey, and welcome to this episode of Indispensable People. Today we're furthering the discussion on PDA, which is pathological demand avoidance or pervasive drive for autonomy. And we addressed this in a previous episode, but I've received some questions, had some conversations, and want to take it a few steps further. So today we're gonna look at kind of scenarios and problem solving and go just a little bit deeper with this conversation. So again, what is it? If you're looking for PDA strategies specifically for the church, it's really the key is reducing the feeling of demands while increasing autonomy, predictability, relationship, and meaningful choice. PDA typically looks like defiance, but what it is is a desperate need for control so that the body does not feel a threat, is kind of the easy breakdown.

Make The Task Fixed Not The Path

SPEAKER_00 2:06

So the number one strategies that are going with it, instead of giving direct instruction or demands on a person, you really want to offer choices that takes the pressure off of the command or the demand. And what I want you to understand, so for example, a parent asked me the question, how does that look with let's say Bible study, reading your Bible? The the core to what you need to understand is the main piece of what you are doing isn't the option, isn't the demand. Okay. So if let's say you have a schedule set up for the day when let's go, we'll we'll say if it this is a child or a teen, they come home from school, they get a half an hour break, then a little bit of snack time, then it's jump into homework time, then it's dinner time, then maybe it's you know, nighttime routine, getting ready for bed, and then Bible time. So those things are not options. The way in which you do them can be optional. So for example, would you like to sit over here or do you want to sit over there? Do you want to read the verse or would you like for me to read it? Would you rather participate in the activity or would you like to just watch? So you're gonna give two acceptable choices rather than an open-ended question or a demand. Those are gonna be, it's again, it's not that what you're doing at that time isn't necessary or required. It's how you go about doing it. It's, I mean, break it down as silly as, okay, it's brushing your teeth, right? Brushing your teeth is a necessity daily. And you, it's it's not like you're going, do you want to brush your teeth or do you not want to brush your teeth? It's saying, hey, do you want to brush your teeth in the bathroom or the kitchen? Do you want to use hot water or cold water? Would you like to use the blue toothpaste or the white toothpaste? It's giving those options so they feel the control over the necessary experience. You're not even talking about, hey, you're now required to do it's Bible time or it's brushing your teeth time or whatever it is. And this is the same depending upon, you know, who you're speaking to. If you're an adult who needs to leave, lead a little bit more of a scheduled life. So the people in the home, whether it's the caregiver, staff, or the parents, they set up that schedule. And again, the schedule isn't necessarily optional because it's, you know, you have to eat. Eating is necessary for your health and wellness. But what you eat or where you eat it, or how you enjoy that food, or what sides you have with it, or those kinds of things, there's so many things that you can create options with. So you just need to remember. And yes, they know what to expect, but when it's that time for that event or that activity, you want to use an invitational language. Instead of saying, hey, it's time to sit down for Bible study, it can be we're getting ready to start Bible study. You can sit with us, sit in the back, or listen from the doorway. Instead of, hey, you have to pray, you could say, we're gonna pray. You can pray out loud, pray quietly, or simply listen. Those, it's an invitation, like this is what's going on. These are some options of the ways that you can participate in it. So you want to protect their autonomy.

Flexible Participation Without Power Struggles

SPEAKER_00 5:44

So a person with PDA may experience even enjoyable activities as demands once they feel they have to do them. So you build in permission. They can say, not right now, or can we take a break? They could observe instead of participate. They can move around appropriately, they can rejoin when they're ready. And you want to make that participation flexible. Bible study doesn't mean that, or reading your Bible at night or your devotional time or whatever. It doesn't have to mean that everybody's sitting still, looking forward in a, you know, very stringent kind of way. They can draw while they're listening, they can use a fidget, they can stand while they're while they're reading or while they're listening, they can walk quietly, they can listen through headphones, responding with pictures, gestures, technology. You're giving them options. And also know that just because the options worked one time doesn't mean they'll work the next time. They might be searching for even more control in that situation. So you provide that for them. When you make that participation flexible, again, it allows them control to do what might even be seem, might even seem to be enjoyable task for them, but because they lose control and they feel like demands are on them, then they kind of fight it. Consider using curiosity rather than correction. So, for example, instead of saying, Why aren't you paying attention? you might try. I wonder what would help you connect with this story. Instead of stop interrupting, you could say, How can I help you in whatever the situation is? So those are going to be really important because again, when you're asking or you're criticizing or you're questioning, you're taking away their control and you're putting their body in a fight or flight situation. And we want to disarm the situation and also and ask, like, truly, if they're not staying on task, what is, you know, you're thinking of what is the cause because you want to help them, not because you want to, you know, demand something of

Trust First Then A Predictable Rhythm

SPEAKER_00 8:16

them. There's a reason why that behavior is happening. But also know above and beyond this, and we say this when it comes to anything ministry-wise, building relationships before having the expectation. Trust is more powerful than compliance. And if you have a relationship with someone, they know where your questions are coming from, they know your heart, they know your concern for them. And so you might spend the first bit of time, if this is someone new walking into your church, talking about their interests, playing a quick game, sharing something funny. And this could be your own children, this could be in a caregiving situation. When you know it's going to come, you build that relationship, that time, that bonding so that you can go into the next steps with trust and relatability and understanding for concern that will always help. So if you're creating a Bible study in your home or in your church or however you're doing something, here's things that you would want to do. First of all, you're gonna want to create a predictable rhythm, right? What happens first, what happens next, what happens last? So, for instance, it could be a welcome, it could be the choice of what to do, the Bible study, a movement activity, discussion, and prayer to end it up. So keep the structure predictable while allowing flexibility. You could say things like, Tonight we're learning about David. You can sit at the table, on the couch, or stand in the back. You can listen with help, listen with props, you can listen with by following along in your Bible. And you can say, let's see what David's story teaches us about trusting God. You don't, you want to be careful not to interpret avoidance as rebellion, disrespect, or laziness. The goal isn't how can we make people comply? The better question is how do we remove the unnecessary barriers so this person can encounter Jesus and grow in their faith? That fits beautifully with the inclusive disability ministry philosophies. It's going, how can we make sure that every person has the opportunity to know Christ, to grow in him, and to serve him with the gifts that he has been given? We do that by building trust, creating options, not demanding, but giving choices and setting people up for success by creating a predictable schedule and making making the gospel something that's not scary. And I don't mean in the type of stories that we we say, but with the expectations that we put on people in the ways that they learn

Volunteer Script And The Key Question

SPEAKER_00 11:10

them. So a simple PDA strategy to teach volunteers connect, choice, invite, support, don't force, reconnect. I'm gonna say that again. Connect, offer choice, invite, support, don't force, reconnect. And when something isn't working, ask, is this a spiritual requirement or is this simply the way we've always done things as a church? Because that question can completely change how a volunteer responds and how an individual gets to react so that every person has a place at the table so they can know Christ, grow in him, and serve him with the gifts that he is given. I can't claim to have all the answers. I can't claim to know all the things, but here's what we are gonna do we're gonna keep this conversation going. We're gonna make the accessible gospel available to individuals with disabilities in our churches and in our communities so that every person has the opportunity to know Christ, to grow in him, and to serve him.

Resources To Keep Learning

SPEAKER_00 12:16

If you want to dive deeper on your own, you can check out the indispensable people blog or my books on Amazon called The Indispensable Kid or Gospel Accessibility and the Indispensable People.