Indispensable People
Making the Gospel Accessible to people of ALL abilities so that they may know Christ, grow in Him, and serve Him with the gifts He has given them.
Indispensable People
Love Languages for Deeper Connections in Special Needs Families
This episode explores the profound impact of love languages in the context of special needs, focusing on how tailored expressions of love can strengthen relationships between caregivers and individuals with disabilities. Understanding and adapting to unique love languages fosters emotional security, enhancing connection and empathy.
• Exploring love languages and their relevance to families with disabilities
• The importance of recognizing personal love language preferences
• Emotional needs of children with disabilities and love expression
• Practical examples of demonstrating love through shared activities
• Encouragement for caregivers to adapt their expressions of love
• Key takeaways for building more inclusive and loving relationships
For deeper dives into these topics and more, check out indispensable-people.com and visit Amazon to purchase the books "The Indispensable Kid" and "Gospel Accessibility and the Indispensable People." Thank you.
Hi, my name is Tracy Correll and welcome to Indispensable People. I'm a wife, mom, teacher, pastor and missionary and I believe that every person should have the opportunity to know Christ, grow in Him and serve Him with the gifts that he has given, no matter their ability. Over 65 million Americans have a disability. That's 25% of the population. However, over 80% of them are not inside the walls of our church. Let's dive into those hard topics biblical foundations, perceptions and world-changing ideas. Hey, hey, and welcome to this episode of Indispensable People.
Speaker 1:Today we're talking about the love languages. You may have heard this before, especially in the realm of marriages, and we are going to dive into some of that. But I really want to take a very different look at the love languages and how they impact individuals with disabilities, especially in a parent-caregiver type relationship, but also in a ministerial, pastor, leader person kind of relationship as well. So there's actually a book that is specifically written called Sharing Love Abundantly in Special Needs Families, and it is written by the same author that wrote all about the love languages, and it is Gary Chapman, and it says the five love languages for parents raising children with disabilities, and I had come across this book a month or so ago. Each beginning of a new year I really kind of get excited about kind of investigating some new, new information, new books, new blogs, new whatever that's out there, new ways of thinking. I want to be open to other perspectives and things that exist for my own benefit and my own growth, but also so that, as I encounter individuals with disabilities, with different perspectives or those of their parents and caregivers with them that we can have some foundational discussions and conversations and different ways of looking at things and understanding of where someone else is coming from is so so very valuable. And so we have been discussing, as a ministry that I'm a part of, we've been discussing specifically ministering to the family of those that are married and have a child with a disability, isolation, depression, all kinds of things that impact these families. And you know, another person in ministry and I were having some conversations about this book because we were all reading it and we really wanted to go. You know we were looking for some necessarily kind of I mean, everybody wants some kind of earth-shaking information. Right, when you're reading to learn and you're reading to grow, you're looking for something that you had never seen before, but oftentimes it's not necessarily something that you've never seen before, but it's often a different perspective that opens your eyes to a different way of thinking. So first I'm going to assume a little bit of awareness of the five love languages, but I'm going to give you a little bit of a background.
Speaker 1:So the quick guide to five love languages is everybody receives and gives love in different ways, and there's primarily five ways that happens. Words of affirmation, that is, unsolicited compliments, whether verbal, written, kind of words of appreciation. It could be as simple as I love you or you're doing a great job, things like that. It could be as simple as I love you or you're doing a great job, things like that. Quality time is giving someone your full, undivided attention, spending time with someone, having conversations with them, doing an activity, sharing some kind of memory, making experiences. The other is gifts or receiving gifts any purchased, handmade, tangible gift to let someone know that you care. Another love language is acts of service, doing helpful things for another person, such as, you know, setting the table, walking the dog, doing the dishes. All that kind of service and my, my family, that is not there, that is not my husband, is words of affirmation. My daughter is physical touch and quality time and my sons are quality time and gifts.
Speaker 1:And so I said I was talking to my daughter about the five love languages and she was like, well, what is yours? And I said acts of service. And she, you know, I tried to explain to her what that means and so I said so, if you can imagine, you know a house full of people who don't think that way. And I explained to her that when someone does something for me or takes care of something, takes something off my plate, that shows me love. And then she was like, oh, because it came to her realization that that's not what other people do. And I was explaining to her in different situations and she was like, I mean, jaw dropped, like I never thought of it that way. And she actually said you must feel really unloved. It's kind of mind blowing in the fact that if you only love people the way you prefer to be loved, you're missing out probably a very big piece of what they have, what you could offer to them. So the last one I had mentioned kind of in that talking, was physical touch and that's, you know, hugs sitting next to each other, you know that kind of stuff. So I go through all of those things to say. This was my mind-blowing, life-changing thought process.
Speaker 1:A lot of times I have seen and I have heard of, you know, parents, especially with kiddos, who maybe have like sensory issues or whatever they're like. You know, the parents are like I can't hug them, they don't want to hug, I can't give them a kiss, you know, like those very regular, typical types of showing love. Right, they don't work because that's actually the opposite of their preference and what they need to feel comfortable and calm and all that kind of stuff. And those parents have been somewhat devastated because they're going how do I give or show love to my child? I can't love my child and I love the love languages because oftentimes the way that we want to be loved is or we want to share love becomes more about us than about them. Because if that child does not prefer a hug, does not prefer a kiss, does not prefer to snuggle or be held or those kinds of things, if you don't do them, they're not missing out, they're not at a deficit because you haven't given them those things. However, you feel like you're at a deficit because you've not been able to love in the way that you received love. But the love language points out to us that it's not about yourself, it's not about you. When you share love with someone, we do it in their preferences, in their kind of ways and um.
Speaker 1:I'm going to give you some very simple examples, and this could be any anyone. My um, my nathan, when he was born, he was not a snuggler, he was a like. He didn't want to be rocked, to be put to sleep, he didn't want to be held. He would probably be so very mad, but he won't listen to this, so it's okay. When he was a baby, you put him in his crib, pat his bottom and he'd fall asleep. There was no holding. Pat his bottom and he'd fall asleep. There was no holding. My son, noah, however, when he was a baby, you had to not only hold him, but hold him tightly and pat him, and then, when he fell asleep, he could be put down.
Speaker 1:My daughter, emma, at this point in stage in her life, she is um, hug, um, lean on you, put your head out, you know, put your head on you and she is definitely um, a physical touch, um person. But my boys, at this age and stage of life, are not at all so. So it's just I can't do what I can do for Emma, for my boys, because they won't feel the same about it. That isn't saying anything about them giving or receiving love, but it is telling me how Noah will. You can give him the least bit of anything and he is going to be so thankful that you thought of him. My Emma loves a good gift.
Speaker 1:Nathan is kind of at the age and stage of life where he's like, ok, thanks, but gifts aren't necessarily his thing. But gifts aren't necessarily his thing. Now did he call his dad yesterday and say, after his dad worked a 12 hour shift at night, and say, hey, dad, you wanna go to lunch and so they could spend time together? The other day my son bought a truck for the first time and he called and he was like hey, mom, you wanna go for a ride. It was the quality time.
Speaker 1:So I say all this to say as an encouragement to you as a volunteer in a room, as a leader, maybe as a parent, as a caregiver or whatever, that everyone has a different love language and if we can identify the way that someone else experiences love, even if it doesn't look like the typical way, doesn't mean that you're not building a relationship doesn't mean that that individual is not feeling love. They're actually probably feeling more love if you have tailored and been very specific to their love language, and so I want to remind you that. When we consider children so Gary Chapman says child psychologists affirm that children have certain basic emotional needs that must be met if they are to be emotionally stable, and one of those basic needs is for love and affection, but it can come in different ways. Okay, so I was speaking with a friend of mine who shared a little bit about a relationship with a person in her family, and they said you know, when I see them, they absolutely want to hug, but they don't want this. So, knowing how to engage that meets those needs of that person, whether it's in a closeness, whether it's more hands-on, whether it's a little standoffish, whatever it is, we're finding the way that they feel loved and we can do it in that way, and I think that takes the stress off of thinking that you're not meeting those needs. It might be in helping your child put their socks on, which is something that they struggle with. Maybe it is, you know, sitting next to them while they complete tasks that are difficult. Maybe it's listening to them talk whenever they're struggling with something or excited about something. There are all kinds of ways to do that, and this book also not only does it focus on the love languages for families and with children, but it also focuses on that as parents, because of the stress that is on parents during that time.
Speaker 1:I would say that there are some pieces and parts that really do help considering the different ways to do something with someone. They give you some suggestions and it's just, you know, words of affirmation. You can do all kinds of things, whether it's here's something you might be thinking, okay, words of affirmation, and you see parents putting notes in their child's lunchbox and you think, well, my child can't read notes in their child's lunchbox, and you think, well, my child can't read. So how do I do that? Draw them a picture right, there are all kinds of ways and even more so, draw them a picture of something that they are highly interested in and that will put a smile on their face. Let them know that they've been thought of. You can tell them I love you, even if they don't necessarily like the touch of a hug. Spending time with them, finding things to do that are specific with them make a big, big difference, doing things that they love to do.
Speaker 1:When my son, noah, was younger, thomas the train was second to none and if you wanted to catch his attention you were going to do it through thomas the train. Whether you're singing the songs on the show with him, whether you're building train tracks on the floor with him, um, go shopping and buy a new train, um, whatever those kinds of things, it was very exciting for him. It helped him to, you know, peak on his interests, talk about things that he loved and I got to be involved in it with him and that later on developed into Matchbox Cars and later from that, legos and now computer stuff. My son will talk my ear off about computer things that I have no understanding of, but I'm going to sit and listen and I'm going to ask him questions and participate in the conversation because I want him to know that even though I don't give a crud, I don't care one least bit about the memory or the speed of his gaming computer, of the things that he designs, because I just don't understand all of that kind of stuff. I'm sort of like a little old lady in that aspect. I'm going to listen to him because I know it matters to him, that's his interest, that's his level, that's what he likes to talk about all the time.
Speaker 1:And just because it's not the way that I receive love doesn't mean that I can't make sure that he feels loved in the way that he receives and feels love.
Speaker 1:And I think that takes away the pressure of a parent of a child with special needs who doesn't feel and experience love in the same way that maybe another child does.
Speaker 1:We can love people in the way that they feel it, they accept it in the way that they feel most loved, and that is going to be the earth shattering, mind blowing change in the relationships that you build with people with special needs, because you want to be loved in the way you feel loved, and I want to be loved in the way that I feel loved, and so do all people.
Speaker 1:And we don't have to let the barriers of a disability or the misunderstandings of the disability or the sensory preferences that are indicated because of a disability stop us from sharing love.
Speaker 1:We find it and do it in the way that it can best be received by those we are trying to share it with, whether it's in our schools, whether it's in our ministries, whether it's in our homes, whether it's in the grocery store or at the park or down the street, we can share the love of Jesus inside of us and with others and for each other in ways that are best received by those who are on the receiving end. Do I know everything about disability ministry? Do I have all the answers? Have I done everything perfectly? I have absolutely not, but we are going to continue this conversation so that people of all abilities can have the opportunity to know Christ, grow in Him and serve Him with the gifts that he has given them. For deeper dives into these topics and more, check out indispensablepeoplecom and visit Amazon to purchase the books the Indispensable Kid and Gospel Accessibility and the Indispensable People. Thank you.
